Feeling Loved

Isn’t the most obvious issue that plagues any relationship, the loss of the honeymoon stage?  You were once madly in love – and now your sizzle has turned into apathy. Can’t a dozen therapeutic perspectives be found online to make this loss digestible?  But what if we think outside the box therapy has given us? What if this loss is simply not necessary?

As you listen back to old conversations in your memories, can you recall the times you thought you were being loving, only to hear your partner respond with some mocking or guilting response that showed you that they didn’t think so?  Can you recall how you felt a need to defend yourself, perhaps with a comment like, “Well I show love by (fill in the blank).”

When you live with the belief that everyone feels loved in the same way, or that others should understand the way you express love, you set yourself up for failure.  If you are trying to show another heart that you love them, doesn't it make more sense that focusing on them vs yourself would get better results?

Gary Chapman explains in his book, The 5 Love Languages, that no one experiences a full love tank UNLESS their primary way of taking in love is expressed to them regularly.  So if your primary love language is acts of service and your partner's is touch, is it any wonder your partner might respond to your gift of service in a way that glosses over it?  They might say, "But honey, we could hire someone to do that.  I'd rather spend time snuggling with you."

So the moral is, your partner needs to FEEL loved, not just BE loved.  Figuring out your partner's PRIMARY love language can be a simple way for you to take control and get the feedback you actually want.