Relationships Aren’t So Mysterious After All

Feeling completely loved, ending unresolved fighting and getting your needs met with an unreserved yes all have their roots in one word:  communication.  Yes, it is no more complicated than discovering how to speak differently! You see, what you may not be realizing until now is what you are communicating that is getting you the feedback that you are receiving.

If you are like most people, you will tend to judge other’s behavior on their actions and words, rather than on their true intentions. However, for yourself, you will tend to judge your own actions and words on your intentions behind your behavior.  When you blend your intentions with your words, it makes it more difficult for you to hear what words you could have chosen to get the feedback you actually wanted.  Knowing what you intended to say (vs what is being heard), makes it easier to blame your listener for misunderstanding or not getting you.  Considering this then, it would be common for you to think that your partner is the one that needs to change (by listening better).  However, trying to get your partner to do the changing by seeing things your way is a slow and tedious process to finding love, ending dramas, and getting your needs met.

The more effective solution is to take control of your own words and learn how to actually communicate what it is you are truly trying to say (versus what is being heard).  Learning from your feedback what you could do more, better, different or less to communicate your thoughts brings misunderstandings and resistances back under yourcontrol.

The result is communication that is clearer for your listener and definitely more effective.  Fear-based tactics like avoidance and sabotage will no longer be necessary.   Feelings of impending doom that it’s all going to fall apart can ebb away.  Only in this safe feeling will your vulnerability be willing let your heart have the connection it so longs for.